Dance.Live.Love.Laugh
Day 17
its not even the half mark yet? :(
hahaha okay i kid, im actually not so sad anymore. been coping q well with the missing now that ive been q busy throughout the days. except that means i havent been able to catch the 2 hours in the afternoon to skype him boohoo.
Had a REALLY hard time finding something nice to buy back for him today. got a belt which i actually think he has, but i find it nice and i think he wouldnt mind having another one so i bought it! really wanted to get him a H&M shirt but the sizes ran out, and every other guy thing on the streets in china either look like they’re from the last century or are some sort of daylight robbery.
finally down to the last week in sichuan! i cant wait to get back to better living conditions lol. and i have really ugly hair D: the hairdresser chopped off a tuff hair to add to my fringe when it was supposed to be as long as the rest of my hair. everyone else’s hair turned out fine, just my luck to get a lousy lazy unmeticulous guy for a hairdresser. sighhhhh now i wonder how long it’ll take to grow till the length its supposed to be -.-
and you know what, i think it was kinda immature and childish to think so much about us in the previous post like that. so screw the previous posts, but thanks @bernicechee baby and @midecir jiejie for the encouragements! love you two :*
Day 10
ohwells :(
Day 8
The days are passing by too slowly, it’s only day 8? Feels like a long time already and it’s barely past a week. But at least it’s 1 week down, 9weeks to go.
Didn’t get to Skype him today. Was waiting and waiting by my comp, but then it passed our usual time so I went out for a run with my friends and it felt good to forget about all these for awhile. Plus the air up the hills was great! A really zen and peaceful place at the hilltop monastery.
I met my old friend, disappointment today, it was a brief moment, but long enough for me to remember what a bad friend it is. And it made me realize that I have formed expectations, which is horrible. Is it possible to say you miss someone but when you get a rare email or whatsapp from the person you can ignore it and have no urge to reply? I know I can’t. I feel like a fool being the only person feeling so much for everything that’s going on between us. If he’s reading this he’d probably think otherwise of me again, maybe a joke even.
But I wouldn’t say it wasn’t enlightening for me. It has always been the same thing hasn’t it? Expectations. Or rather don’t know what to expect because the lines are blurry. I saw it coming, it wasn’t like I didn’t know. But I knew too that he was someone I don’t wanna give up on. He probably doesn’t know how much I like him, he knows I do but not the extent of it. And it’s been great because I’m feeling more of him bit by bit, it gives me hope, faith and the strength to hold on.
So I have decided to overlook all my sensitivities and focus on him alone and remember that he also has the power to make everything better.
Today I have also decided that I will prepare my heart for the day that he really decides that I don’t have the same power that he has on me.
Paige: I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home.
Leo: I vow to fiercely love you in all your forms, now and forever. I promise to never forget that this is a once in a lifetime love. I vow to love you, and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other.SO GOOD, REALLY :’)
(Source: supermeno)
Day 4
Somedays i feel like i should give up. Today is one of those days that i feel especially so.
(and it has nothing to do with the distance between us right now)
Maybe it would be easier on my heart if i do. Those insecurities they bother me.
And surprising as it may sound, i do not have that much faith in myself.
